5 Top ways of Picking up a Bombay Girl.

 *This article was written before Bombay became Mumbai. Please do not be offended. 

** This article is not meant to be taken seriously. Bombay women, i iz allwayz luving youz. 

So I see a lot of these posts on Buzzfeed, WhatCulture, and countless other websites. 5 these and 5 that. 5 different destinations you must visit before you die. 5 types of Pants that you must possess. And I was thinking to myself, what is THE most important thing to a man such as myself? GETTING LAID! Well not me, per say. I have a girlfriend. I am committed. Well sort of. Okay. No. She’d kill me. There has been talk of doing a Mountain on me. But i'd just like to say, Girlfriend, i find you eye popping anyway. (GOT reference for the win)

 My 5 top ways of picking up a Bombay girl.

1. Date. Be in a relationship. This really seems to work with single women all over Bombay. They seem to fall in love with you. They seem to want to give you more of the forbidden fruit then the gods had intended. So even if you aren’t in a relationship, sign a bond with your girl best friend, and BE IN ONE! Action. Action. More action guaranteed.

2. Go for gigs. Go for any gig. Go for Electro. Go for Techno. Go for Trance. Definitely go for Dubstep. Don’t miss out on that trap stuff too. Women be drunk. Women be doing drugs. Women be needing man to dance with. Women be needing man to take care of her. And THAT man could be you. Yes. You. Stop trying to pick up women with conversations/pick up lines. Stop trying to stare at her. She won’t ‘pallat’. Get to a gig and test this now. 

3. Pick up a camera/a pen/an instrument(no pun there) and ‘be’ someone creative. Be different(even if you aren’t). Be a coin collector for all I care, but just pretend to be different. Have that aloof thing going on about you and you are gold. 

4. Hate Delhi. Start your conversations with ‘So I hear Delhi guys go up to women and just tell them to be with him, I’d like to ask.’ ‘So I heard that guy in Delhi beat up the girl’s boyfriend, I’d just like to suggest that we don’t involve him at all’

5. Smoke pot. Let’s face it Bombay boys. Money isn’t something you carry in your pocket to just throw at women, and certainly not something you’re willing to separate with easily. Hence, smoke pot. Do drugs. Share them with your lady or your lady’s best friend or your best friend’s lady, and Boom(so many different kinds of pun!!!). She’s yours. And don’t forget to ask her to pay for her share. It’s only fair to go ‘dutch bro’.